Eating Disorders in the Military with Leah Stiles, Founder of Sea Waves

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Eating Disorders in the Military

Speaker A:
Hello and welcome to the JenUp podcast. If you’re struggling with an eating disorder and feeling lost, you’ve come to the right place. Both Becky and I are former sufferers of eating disorders and we understand the challenges you’re facing. So join us for inspiring, educational and relatable content. Whether you’re seeking support, guidance, or someone who just understands, we are here for you. So today we have Leah Stiles. She is the founder of Sea Waves, a non-profit organisation dedicated to and advocating for an educating and supportive active duty service members, veterinarians and their families who are dealing with disordered eating, eating disorders and body dysmorphia. With 27 years of service and retiring as a Navy senior chef, she developed a strong commitment to supporting the well being of her fellow service members.

Speaker A:
Obviously, having personally navigated the challenges of eating disorders during her service, she recognised the critical need for specialised support. So it is with pleasure to introduce Leah to the podcast. Would you like to say hi to everyone, Leah?

Leah Stiles:
Hello everyone and thank you for having me on today.

Speaker A:
It’s a pleasure to have you. So I think it would be really good to firstly tell our audience about Sea Waves and why you set this up.

Leah Stiles:
Sure. So Sea Waves is actually a long acronym. In the Navy we like to use acronyms for a lot of things and so what it really, really stands for is support, education, awareness, wellness and validation for eating disorders and self care. So we do three primary things. The first thing I do is I act as a bridge between the civilian eating disorder organisations and the resources available to civilians and I connect them to the community of the military service members, veterans and their families. The second thing I do is advocacy. I speak on behalf of the military community that are needing these resources and these help and making it more available to them. And the third thing that I do is I provide education and awareness primarily to military leadership and helping them understand what eating disorders may look like or some myths or what they don’t look like, and some ways that you can be helpful and some things that are not helpful.

Leah Stiles:
And I help empower leaders to really be able to support or their teams where eating disorders are concerned.

Speaker A:
That’s amazing. It sounds like you do a lot.

Leah Stiles:
I’m busy every day.

Speaker A:
Yeah, I know. Amazing. Do you have people like helping you run the non-profit or is it yourself or you have a team of people?

Leah Stiles:
Yeah, I have an amazing team. We have a team of four for the board members and then we have three on our advisory board. But every two weeks, we meet with our team of volunteers and that’s somewhere between 10 and 20 people. And our volunteers are really the ones that make things happen.

Speaker A:
Oh, that’s great. And of course, like, obviously your own journey is like what made you sort of get. Get into this is because you just generally wanted to help people, you know, with this as well.

Leah Stiles:
So, yes, it was a combination of seeing a need and I really saw the need because during my service, I struggled with more than one eating disorder the entire time that I was active duty. So the way I kind of look back on my career and the time period softly is for the first 10 years, it was very secretive for me. My spouse didn’t know, my family didn’t know. There were really not many people that knew at all. Or they may have suspected it, but I would have never confirmed it for them. And then the next five years of my career, I really knew that I had a problem. I knew that I needed help, but I didn’t want my command to find out that I needed help. There’s so many different consequences that can happen and the stigma that’s involved and the misunderstandings.

Leah Stiles:
And so I would go on my own time and try to find these resources. Any of the other places that the military provides mental health resources, I would go and look for eating disorder resources, and they were just never there. There was no place to find them. I tried to seek therapy through the military base and there was not a subject matter expert that could assist me. So right around at my 15 year point, things got kind of bad for me and my command did find out about and they were very upset and very confused and they wanted to process me out of the Navy because they didn’t know any better. They didn’t have the information available. And so when that happened, I really kind of shut down and became secretive again. I didn’t want to lose my career that I had worked so hard for.

Leah Stiles:
And so then I just kind of pictured the last five years and I spiralled completely out of control. I was on a deployment on the aircraft carrier in the middle of the ocean. And my mentor, also the leader for me, he really held an intervention and he metavaxed me off the aircraft carrier and back to the States. And when I arrived back to the hospital at the States again, there was really nobody that was available to help me that knew how to assist with eating disorders. And so I got bounced around many different places. And by the time I was able to get treatment and patient treatment, I had to rely on the use of an NG tube for many months to be able to survive and recover. And I realised that there was a major gap in care then like I experienced that for myself. And as a senior person in the military, I knew that if it was that difficult for me to get this kind of treatment with the vast network that I have, that the others that I lead were having this struggle as well.

Leah Stiles:
So I decided that I was going to do something to make a difference, but I didn’t know what it was going to be. And so I thought that maybe I was going to write an article or a blog or things like that. But it really developed very quickly to see the needs that Sea Waves provides. And so I founded the non-profit and we kind of took off and we’ve been busy ever since.

Becky:
Wow, that is a really amazing story. And also how determined and resilient you’ve been being able to struggle. Like even having my journey, which with my eating order was quite short compared to yours, but the resilience and the determination and also turning something that possibly was quite negative into something really positive to make a difference to so many other people.

Leah Stiles:
That was my hope. When I first retired, I really struggled with being a civilian because you just get so used to that lifestyle and routine. And at the same time that I retired, my husband retired from the military on the same day. And we were really beginning the empty nesters process. And so we always had a house full of kids and now we’re down to just one. And I really struggled with my purpose. I had a hard time finding my own eating disorder recovery. Because I also didn’t feel a purpose. So I think it was twofold. Not only did I need this purpose in order to help others, but I needed the purpose in order to find my own healing as well.

Becky:
Do you mind me asking what type of eating disorder you struggling with?

Leah Stiles:
So at different times in my career, I had different diagnosis. Primarily it was atypical anorexia with purging. And I had developed quite a purging addiction. And so I would, different times go through restriction and then purging. So a lot of people get confused because they think they hear purging and they think, well, isn’t that just bulimia? And it’s not. It’s very different because if you don’t have a history of binging, then you cannot be diagnosed with bulimia. So it was difficult for me to get these different diagnosis because I didn’t have an issue with binging. So it really boiled down to when I first came in the military.

Leah Stiles:
Atypical anorexia was not recognised as a diagnosis. So not only were these doctors just really not informed about eating disorders at all, they weren’t up to date on the newest knowledge that we have about understanding what’s more in the DSM 5 now, more than just the three standard eating disorders that used to be there.

Speaker A:
Yeah, I. I’ve tried to speak about atypical anorexia more and create more awareness around that because it’s just as serious with someone with anorexia nervosa. So someone could present with the same symptoms as well, and it’s just as bad. So there’s a massive sort of stigma there that needs to be spoken about. So it’s great that what you’re doing, and you’ve already answered one of our questions around access to services, and clearly it wasn’t great for you at the time. And the fact that you’re changing, that is amazing. So well done.

Leah Stiles:
Thank you.

Becky:
Took a lot of courage to reach out as well and ask for help. Huge.

Leah Stiles:
It did, I would say, especially in the military setting because of the stigma that still exists and of course, the career implications that could happen, too. I put everything into my military career, and then that was also the way that I supported my family. And so it was always a fear of mine to come out with it and then possibly be processed out.

Becky:
Yeah, that you asked for help, but then you’d end up losing your job at the same time.

Leah Stiles:
A lot of people do. I sought legal protection so that I could receive care and keep my career.

Speaker A:
Okay, amazing. So if. What would be your advice then, for someone in your position who’s, you know, wanting help, but they’re scared about, you know, potential things of what you’re saying? So what would you advise someone who’s worried about getting help in the military for an eating disorder?

Leah Stiles:
Yeah, in the military, I have to say, and it’s so easier said than done, but take the help. Take the help, because there’s life and then there’s quality of life. And so while, yes, I, you know, had, you know, the steady income that the military provides and. And whatnot, my quality of life wasn’t there. And yes, I was able to financially provide for my family, but their mother was just a shell. I was just a shell because of the quality of life that I was living and struggling every minute of every day, all the time. And so I think that, you know, in hindsight, when you’re able to take a step back, I would say get the help. And there’s a lot.

Leah Stiles:
There’s a lot that’s happening now as the military is starting to understand more about mental health and how we can receive treatment and be okay. And so it’s not a guarantee anymore that you would be processed out. And if that does happen, if it does come down to where they determine that, you know, you’re better off without the military and the military is better off without you, then I would say use that as a starting point to find your healing journey and, and recreate your next chapter.

Speaker A:
That’s great advice. Thank you very much for that. I’m sure that will help a lot of people listen to this, so thank you. I think it would be good to go on. Are there any certain factors within the military in terms of lifestyle that you believe can contribute to the development of an eating disorder?

Leah Stiles:
Absolutely. There’s a lot of things that are similar in personality traits as with eating disorders. So for me, for example, dedication and perfectionism, that manifested so strongly in my eating disorder because I wanted to be the best that I could be. I wanted to look the best that I could in uniform. I didn’t want to just be just good. I want it to be great. And so when you have the. The Eden sorter of thoughts that are manifesting and you can put them under the umbrella of needing to be perfect, it really continues to build from that and manifest more.

Leah Stiles:
The other thing that’s really difficult in the military is that once or twice a year and it changes for different branches. You have to make the required standards. And so there’s a height weight chart that has been used for decades and decades. It’s archaic, it’s very old. And if you don’t make the weight that’s required of you, then you must be taped, measuring taped. And this whole process happens in public areas around your peers and so your bosses and your juniors, and you’re just publicly standing on a scale. And then you know, if you. If you made it, that that’s fine, and you go do the rest of your physical test.

Leah Stiles:
If you didn’t, then they come out with this measuring tape. And for women, they have to measure the widest part of your hips. And so now people gather around and they’re trying to just determine together what’s the widest part of your hips and the smallest part of your waist. And it’s just absolutely triggering for. For anybody, absolutely. But also somebody struggling with disordered and an eating disorder. And so I think that I, although I wasn’t at risk of failing during my service, the fear was still always there. And I didn’t want to experience failing on the scale in front of, in front of people that looked up to me in my leadership.

Leah Stiles:
So that absolutely continued to manifest that disordered thinking.

Becky:
Did you find your anxiety was really, really high around that time so you were just constantly thinking about weighing in?

Leah Stiles:
Absolutely. I was obsessive. And, and here’s the thing, and it just wasn’t, wasn’t just me. It’s very common for many people to be obsessive before, before the weigh ins because of the consequences. You know, you could lose your career for, for being over, or you can be not promoted or unable to transfer to the orders of your expected choice. So there’s consequences to that alone. So what has happened over time in the military is that we have normalised behaviours that you and I would know are disordered, but intentionally shrinking your body to make this weight. So you will see very, very often people intentionally dehydrating themselves and sit in the sauna and wrapping themselves with plastic wrap and using laxatives.

Leah Stiles:
And all these behaviours that are very disordered have been normalised that we do together as a group to make sure that we all pass. Wow.

Becky:
As you was talking, I’ve got waves of anxiety. So I’m not even in that room and I can feel the anxiety as you were talking. It’s really powerful and very shaming as well for to all go in that room. And everybody’s genetically different. All body shapes are different. We’re all different, different types of humans trying to pass all in one weight, shape and size.

Leah Stiles:
And that’s exactly what I try to point out is the problem. And you know, my, my, my body when I, when I first joined was very different than after I started having babies. Right. And your body changes there. And as, you know, age goes on. And so I really also point out that it’s not just your junior service members that are struggling. The further you progress in your career and the more your body changes as you’re getting older, the more you have to lose in your career. And so even people higher up on the military leadership scale find themselves having to do behaviours to make sure that their body is small enough during those times where you get measured.

Becky:
Just a really random question that’s not, is there, do you find there’s a higher percentage of men with eating disorders or do you feel it’s more female based?

Leah Stiles:
I can absolutely say that men are suffering too. The studies do show that one third of females in the military and one fifth of males are struggling. So that’s still a large demographic with a one fifth of males.

Becky:
And also then for the male stigma, it’s that reaching out as well. Having. I think it’s. For women, it’s a huge amount of courage to reach out, but more so for men.

Leah Stiles:
Yes. Because the stigma all together. Not only do I feel that men have a, a more difficult stigma with mental health in general, eating disorders, kind of, you know, take it up another notch of stigma that, that’s involved.

Becky:
A lot of courage to reach out as well. Especially for both genders. The thought of reaching out and saying, somebody please help me, I’m really struggling here, takes a lot of balls. Let alone the thought if I asked for help, I could lose my job.

Leah Stiles:
Or even just be ashamed.

Speaker A:
Yeah, I just, I was just thinking, is there a lot of muscle dysmorphia in men in the military? Like the kind of, you know, to look strong, be strong, is that. Do you know about that tool or.

Leah Stiles:
Yes. And so that, that is what’s really common among men is, is orthorexia. And so orthorexia would be where they manifest being healthy and eating clean and being in the gym and the things that we would think are great or good for you, but when it becomes obsessive and affects your quality of life and your thought process and your mental health, that’s just not helpful anymore. It’s not healthy. And so you do see that a lot. Not only with men. I would say just in the military in general is trying to completely say, trying to completely dedicate yourself to everything in the military would mean physical fitness as well. And so if you’re truly dedicated, you would do everything in your power.

Leah Stiles:
And that’s where orthorexia would really be manifested as well. And so I, I do like the term that you use is muscle dysmorphia, because that is just really a, a down to earth way of mentioning the, the body stigma that they feel too.

Speaker A:
Yeah, I just, I just wondered if there was that. But yeah, orthorexia is, yeah, a really interesting area and kind of, it is on the rise, isn’t it? And obviously it’s within the military, you said. But I don’t think social media has helped with that either with the whole promotion to eat clean and all the time. And you know, I think that’s fed into a lot of, you know, adults, young people and, and everything. And I think if I had access to that growing up, I think I would have really struggled. So. And seeing that. But, but yeah, no, thank you for all of that.

Speaker A:
Like, it sounds like you’re doing such an amazing job and I think what’s your, what’s your main sort of offering that you do at the non-profit, like what’s your gold and like service like?

Leah Stiles:
So right now it’s giving our metal training, it’s the military eating disorder awareness and literacy training. And that’s because I think the request for knowledge really is there. I think people do want to know how to help and I think of that being able to in under an hour be able to just understand the basics of, of what needs to, to be understood. It’s really becoming a thing that, that people want more and more. So that’s, that keeps me very busy. But it’s also I’m always around to connect people with the services that they need at no cost to our service members. So I always make sure that if their insurance is not going to cover it, if Tricare will not cover it, that it’s covered through a scholarship or some other way to make sure that they still have access to the help that they need.

Becky:
So no one’s really excluded.

Leah Stiles:
Right.

Speaker A:
That’s amazing. And how long have you been going for now? About how many years or.

Leah Stiles:
This week is our one year anniversary.

Speaker A:
Oh, wow. Amazing. So many more amazing years to come then.

Leah Stiles:
Yes, exactly. When I think about just how fast we took the rocket ship and really took off in the last year, I can see definitely more progress to be had in the next few years.

Becky:
And the difference that you’re making with so many people’s lives, even just knowing that you’re there when they’re ready.

Leah Stiles:
Yes. And I think that’s the biggest thing that I’m working on is just I want them to know that we’re here. I want our military community to know that they can reach us, even if it’s confidential and you’re not ready to be fully involved in a treatment program. Just being able to know that somebody understands and somebody can talk to you and somebody can give you support and I can put you in touch with other service members or family members or veterans that also understand. And I think that’s, I think that’s really what it boils down to in life. Right. Is that life is not meant for us to journey alone. None of it.

Leah Stiles:
Not the struggles and not the highs and not the lows. And so I really just try to always push that forward is don’t go through it alone. Make sure that, make sure, reach out to somebody. Reach out to somebody. One person. Make sure you have a person that you can, you can be with through your journey and your healing journey. Not only for all issues and mental health issues, but I would say absolutely also for disordered eating. Yeah.

Becky:
Support. And I think having that safe person is so important.

Speaker A:
Yeah, no, definitely no. Thank you so much. I think we’ll. We’re coming to a sort of end now. But Becky, is there anything that you’d like to ask, final question or anything?

Becky:
No, I’m good. I’ve been asking all the questions as we’ve been going along. I found it, found it really, really interesting.

Speaker A:
Awesome. Thank you so much, Leah, for coming on and to hear about the amazing work that you’re doing. And it sounds like you’ve got a fantastic future ahead and I wish you all the best with that.

Leah Stiles:
Thank you. And you both as well.

Becky:
Oh, thank you. I think you’ll come. Your organisation is going to grow very quickly and hopefully you get loads of support and funding behind you.

Leah Stiles:
That would be great.

Becky:
Thank you so much for listening to the JenUp podcast. Please subscribe and share this podcast so others can benefit. You can find us on Facebook and Instagram at Ask JenUp and on Jenny’s website at www.jenup.co.uk. If you visit the website, you’ll find lots of resources available there. Please like, subscribe and share.

Speaker A:
Thanks, guys.

How to get help?

Jenny Tomei is a Nutritional Therapist and Eating Disorder coach. See all her credentials on her About Jen page and then should you need help then make contact with her today. Your road to recovery can start now!